Sometimes solving problems or dealing with conflicts requires that we flex different “muscles” than the ones we normally use for performing our job, maintaining relationships, or resolving conflicts. Every once in awhile we are faced with confounding situations which require us to adapt ourselves even more creatively.

After years of observing others, making my own mistakes, and occasionally doing things the right way I have come to the conclusion that in any difficult situation the key to overcoming challenges is to do whatever you need to do but to be true to yourself in the process.

What I mean is that if you behave in a way that is unnatural to you, others will notice this and you may not get the results or response you desire. Once I worked for a C-level executive who was, without question, the biggest jerk I have ever met. As an every day practice he bullied and demeaned his employees (no matter how senior), took credit for the work of others, refused to reward employees for good work, obviously played favorites, and generally behaved like jerk in every way. He was a jerk to the core – when he was trying to be nice or make jokes he came across as crass, obnoxious, and unkind. Even his jokes were awkward at best and mean spirited at worst. However, for whatever reason, his behavior seemed to work for him. He had advanced through corporate America and had been hired by a venture firm to run a successful start-up so someone must have thought his behavior was acceptable. But if, for example, I had tried to emulate him, I know that I wouldn’t have reaped the rewards that he did because I couldn’t pull it off successfully. Also I wouldn’t have felt very good about myself.

On the other hand, I once worked for an executive (her name was Barbara) who was one of the most reflective thinkers and best listeners I have ever met. Barbara was a great coach and manager who was skilled at absorbing information, reflecting on various options, and regurgitating great ideas which others could adapt and implement. I tried so hard to be like her but I couldn’t quite pull it off. I hope I absorbed some of Barbara’s good qualities when I worked for her but at the end of the day my strength is in implementation rather than reflecting upon a menu of ideas and bouncing them to others to make them come alive.

Being true to yourself doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try to improve your skills or learn new “tricks”. You should! Self reflection and continuous education is a must for all of us. You can and should adapt your skills and behavior to situations but you shouldn’t stray from your core values or personality traits or you won’t be true to yourself.

I had an employee once (we will call her J) who was the kindest, sweetest, and least confrontational person I have ever met. I really admired her ability to see the good in others even when they were being manipulative, negative, or just plain incompetent. Sometimes I ran interference for her so that she could get her job done when the occasional goofball decided to play politics, not do a job, or made her life difficult. I was very good at cutting through red tape so that all of my employees could get their jobs done. When necessary I utilized whatever tools I had to create an environment in which my employees could be successful whether that involved using politics, calling someone’s boss, or just plain making demands.

J and I had many conversations about assertiveness and I always told her that she could be assertive but that she could do it in her own sweet way – she didn’t have to try to act like me because that might not come naturally to her. In fact, if she had attempted to do some of the things I did it would have been completely counter to her personality and she wouldn’t have gotten the results she desired. J is now a manager of people herself and she has come up with some really great management techniques that reflect her values and personality but yield the results she needs to run her department effectively.

Be true to yourself even in tough situations and you will find that things often work to your advantage.